all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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