Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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