Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
