Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Randomize
