He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
