Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Randomize
