Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
