The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
