names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
