I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize