Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
