I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
