We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
