high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
