The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
