Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Boobs speak an international language.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
