Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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