Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
