I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
