Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
