That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
