I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
