I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The air was thick with penises
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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