looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
