Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
