woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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