God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
