I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I have aggressive nipples.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
