yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
