also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
