Cold hands, warm shart.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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