I met the friendliest cop last night
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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