my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
