normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
