omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
