Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
