i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
