a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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