I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
