I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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