I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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