the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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