my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
