did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
