I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
