i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
