So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize