I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Your penis caused this!
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