Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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