you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
