Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize