Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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