you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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