It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
