Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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