there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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