come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
