and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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