I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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