I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
