WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
