Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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