piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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