Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you win again, gameday.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
