I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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