someone owes me an orgasm
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
