Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
