Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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