He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize