so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
