Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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