Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
