HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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